Ex-gay married, became a pastor

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By Mark Ellis —

He fought same-sex attraction as a young person and plunged into the homosexual lifestyle after a false accusation unmasked his

Jim & Amanda’s wedding

desires. When a tumultuous same-sex relationship unwound, the power of God’s Word and the Spirit drew a prodigal home.

“In junior high I first experienced same-sex attraction,” says Jim Domen, who works with the California Family Council. Domen grew up in a traditional home, with a Catholic father and Episcopalian mother who both became born again believers when Domen was in elementary school.

Because he accepted Jesus into his heart at age 7, his feelings of same-sex attraction confused him. “I tried to read the Bible and I prayed to change the sinful desires and they weren’t changing,” he recalls. By his sophomore year in high school, the feelings were intensifying.

Domen shared his secret with a youth pastor at church, who recommended he tell his parents. “They were shocked and devastated,” he says. They insisted their son see a Christian counselor.

“The Christian therapist was really critical in understanding the root issues of same-sex attraction,” he notes. Despite his heightened awareness and understanding, he continued to struggle.

Domen’s goal to get married and have a family got derailed after college. He accepted a position with a company based in Bermuda. When he and another male Christian friend decided to room together, the living arrangement was misinterpreted by his boss.

“I was accused of being homosexual, which is illegal in Bermuda,” Domen recalls. “It was pretty devastating because I was a virgin.”

Fired from his dream job, he went into an emotional tailspin. Through twisted logic, he came to a painful conclusion. If I’m going to be ostracized for being a homosexual, I might as well be one. 

For two years, his feelings and his biblical understanding waged war against each other. God’s plan is not going to work for me, he thought. I want to love and be loved, so I’m going into the homosexual lifestyle

Domen met a same-sex partner online and they moved to Palm Springs together. “We pretended to be married and I thank God marriage was not legal then,” he says. “I was not in my right mind and marriage would have complicated things.”

They established a business in the sun-baked mecca, but things soured in the relationship, partly due to his partner’s alcohol and drug use.  One day they had a colossal argument and Domen announced he would move out.

“That day my partner switched over our bank accounts and took my name off everything,” he recounts. Domen had no access to money.

Some friends let him stay temporarily in a vacant, unfurnished apartment. In his first evening in the apartment, he laid down on the tile floor. His only possessions were his clothing. He stared up at the ceiling and said, “God, I’m yours again.”

Still, a spiritual battle ensued for his heart and soul. Even though he wanted to turn toward God, he thought that as soon as he got back on his feet he would probably drift back into the homosexual lifestyle.

Domen called some Christian friends who expressed unconditional love to him in the past, when he was in the depths of his rebellion. “You had better pray for me,” he cried out over the phone. “God is doing a work.”

One of these friends came to visit and suggested he spend time in God’s Word. “I was afraid to read the Bible because I thought it would change me,” he admits. “My heart was hard. I didn’t want to be changed. I said, ‘This is who I am.’”

Domen’s parents invited him to move home, the last place he wanted to go. He had never connected well with his father, an L.A. County sheriff. “Growing up, I saw my world through the eyes of the feminine,” he says.

Yet something remarkable happened during his time at home with his parents. God orchestrated a season of healing between father and son. “We built a friendship relationship as men,” he says. “We had a lot of one-on-one time together that brought healing.”

Domen started to pray, read the Scripture regularly, and he attended several men’s Bible studies. “I was hungry for God’s Word and healthy male relationships,” he says.

“I shared my story with pastors and that was my litmus test,” he notes. “I thought that if they were of God, they would love me and affirm the work God was doing in my life.”

As Domen’s faith deepened, one pastor suggested he attend seminary. He argued at first. “I don’t want anything to do with church, because the church isn’t acting like Jesus to a lost and dying world,” he told the pastor.

“But what if you are able to help educate the church on how to respond to the homosexual community,” the pastor countered, “how to share the love of Christ and stand for truth at the same time.”

The pastor’s line of reasoning persuaded Domen, and he began to attend Azusa Pacific University’s Graduate School of Theology.

At the same time, he dated women for the first time in many years. When he felt sexual arousal toward the opposite sex, it rocked his world. “This is pretty cool,” he thought.

In his men’s accountability group, he shared his newfound feelings.

“Awesome, dude, you lusted over a woman,” one of the men said.

Domen chuckled and replied, “Sin is still sin,” he said. “I don’t have the right to sin in the opposite direction either.”

When Domen graduated from seminary, the school mistakenly mailed his diploma to the wrong address. He went into the office to pick it up, and had a “chance” encounter that changed the future course of his life.

A young, attractive woman named Amanda came out from her back office at the same time Domen arrived at the counter. She retrieved the lost diploma and handed it to him.

“Take it out and read it,” she suggested. “This looks like something important to you.”

As he scanned the document he said, “This is a miracle. I’ve come out of the homosexual lifestyle, I’m a pastor, I just bought my first house, and now I have my M.Div. degree.”

“It sounds like God has restored the years the locusts have eaten,” she said, quoting from the Book of Joel.

Wow, who is this woman behind the counter quoting from a minor prophet in the Old Testament? he wondered. Domen says he “saw Jesus burning in her eyes.”

Jim and Amanda married in 2009. “Marriage rocks; I love being married,” Domen declares. “This is the most amazing relationship I’ve ever been in. It’s peaceful, it’s godly, it’s tranquil. I can’t wait to get home.”

While Jesus brought a remarkable transformation in his life, he still encounters temptations. “I will have sin issues until the day I die,” Domen admits. “It’s a journey. It’s a walk.”

“I want to choose life and choose righteousness in all areas of my life. I know I’m fallen and I need a Savior named Jesus.”

“Homosexuality is a behavior. My sexuality is not my identity. My identity is in Christ.”

 

If you want to know more about having a personal relationship with Jesus, go here

 

 

 

29 COMMENTS

    • right…cuz it’s ‘insane’ to stand for heterosexual complimentarity…to dare say that heterosexuality is rightly ordered and homosexuality is not! Crazy world when what is right is now ‘insane’.

      The truth hurts but it never changes…God condones ‘one man and one woman’…..period.

      • Complimentarity? There is no such word. Perhaps you mean complementarity – think twice before you demonstrate the point that I made in my first post. As for what you call God, I suggest that you prove its existence before you start speculating about its alleged beliefs. And no, saying “period” does not make your very weak case any stronger.

    • why would you say that about someone who is truly at peace? You are angry for someone else’s happiness, that is envy; and that is the truth. I’ll pray for your soul that you may be at peace as well and healed of the envy that is exposed in your comments.

    • How things have changed since this article was published two years ago. Every major evangelical ex-gay ministry that had existed for decades has shut down – from the US to Europe and Asia and Australia following the leaders of the oldest and largest ex-gay ministries having their leaders admit nobody changed from homosexual to heterosexual. They had just switched from calling themselves “gay” to “SSA” same-sex attracted.

    • Jesus loves me this I know , for the Bible tells me so, I don’t need any prove or evidence to believe in the Christ Jesus , my Lord my Savior , died for my sins so that I am set free!!! That’s why it’s called Faith! Faith is believe without seeing !!!I am free !!! I am freee!!!! I am crazy for Jesus!!! Hunger for Jesus, living for Jesus!!! Who are you living for???? Money? Fame? Career! I choose God all the time!It’s Jesus ! Jesus! Jesus till the day I die!!

  1. This is indeed a miracle. Thank God for if He did it for Domen. He can surely do it for other homosexuals who think that life is what they have. We thank God for our brother. May the good Lord continue blessing him in Jesus’s name, AMEN!

  2. Keep the faith and ignore the criticism that aims to drag you down- this is an inspired story – only in God is there true love and life. Wishing Jim and Amanda a lifetime of blessings.

  3. In much of what I have heard and some experience, it seems that the absence of a strong father figure or mother figure can lead to homosexual activity in later years. Even a very progressive minded priest-psychologist I have met, would contend that homosexuality cannot be proven to be genetic in origin. Until these wounds are spiritually healed, the cycle of same sex behaviors will continue. Where will it lead? Will the fruits of this be happiness, peace, and joy. I hardly doubt it.

  4. Great story and will indict the homosexual lifestyle. Now if Jim would come all the way back to truth and return to his Catholic roots. What a beautiful day it would be.

  5. JIM, THANKS BE TO God, miracles do happen, i was entrapped in same sex attraction for 30+ years. But on Sept. 8th 1998 i receive the grace of celebacy, and i have vowed and concentrated this life to God for the conversion of my brothers and sisters tapped in s.s.a.. In J.M.J. ray

  6. Shouldnt we look at scientific studies about healing of gay and lesbian hearts? Studies have been ignored for years that children who suffer a poor relationship with their same sex parent suffer, stay stuck there due to an innate desire put in their hearts by God to bond with their same sex parent. Some children can turn to same sex attraction relationships to fill this need long evlected in childhood. Think of all the single parent homes where this need is not met. Or think of homes where parents chasing other things besides their family welfare in which children don’t bond with their parents….

    • dr. spitzer did such a study. and the outcry from gay activists, including death threats was so bad that he recanted what he had seen in his own study. some tolerance huh?

    • I believe that is relevant. I was raised predominantly around women. My father was in the military and absent a lot in early years. We finally connected in early adulthood and my healing began. I never let him know the connection. When I came out as homosexual to him he replied:” I do not understand it, I don’t condone it; but you’re still my son and I love you”. I know not everyone was so blessed; that may be relevant too

  7. My name is Daniel all my life I’ve hidden the fact that I was gay and I am married to a kind and beatyful women she loves me so much shell let me have sex with other men we have been doing this for years I been going to church trying to get god to take this my head. I know it is wrong to be with men I pray all the time for forgiveness but I don’t think god here’s me anymore. I don’t want to go to hell I am scared my wife believes so much that god will save e she stands by my side and prays for me all thy time it feels like a disease that can not be cured I don’t know were

    • Hi Daniel. Jesus said he will do 3 things in our lives.. Save us, Heal our broken hearts, Set us Free…Luke 4:18..We are saved by faith in the finished work of Christ ( going to heaven )..
      a (spiritually ) broken hearted person backslides into sin of one kind or another..
      Gods response is to heal the heart of the backslider eg Isaiah 57:17-18..the healed person can then be set free..Google “saved healed set free ” .. gateway church is very keen on this truth. ( i dont go there, I am in australia. )

  8. This goes to show that being gay is a choice. It’s not that they were born that way. God is against it and it wouldn’t make sense that He would create someone like that. Many have come out of this lifestyle and they themselves said that it was their choice.

  9. I’ve struggling with christianilty and homosexuality all my life and i now hate it or put up with it. cause i dont know who i’m. i did not love myself so i was looking for it in other man. but now i’ve seen the darkest and most evil side of it and i hate it. i want freedom from it but dont have the strenght. i need Jesus Christ and professional help. can some help in the right direction.

  10. My wife and I married in 1986. She was in a 5 yr relationship with a woman. I had just ended a 5 year relationship with a man. We met and connected while our friends left us sitting in a parked car as they scored some pot. We talked and we shared our dreams beliefs and faith. We had both struggled with the spiritual aspects of our lifestyles. We both agreed the bible is the inspired word of God. We agreed it was against the teachings of the bible. We both knew God had more. He did, 28 years, three children and one grandchild later; we are still being blessed by his grace. No our lives haven’t been perfect. We have had tragedy and loss; but we always trust and he doesn’t disappoint. No matter how difficult his way seems, The rewards for staying the course are endless.

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